Tap, Tap, Tap
My thoughts ramble throughout the day. Fleeting thoughts and ideas deep within me are a blessing and a curse. I sit down to write and my fingers tap on the keyboard, tap, tap, tap……nothing. Inspiration cannot be forced. Day after day, waiting for this blank canvas to fill. Where have my thoughts wandered? I allow them to wander freely, trusting that the “tap, tap, tap," will eventually turn into a page that will inspire, give life encouraging words, and lead people towards a better version of themselves. I desire this whole-heartedly. Grateful for God's creativity within me.
My writer's heart needs to put these thoughts into words. I sit and stare at the screen, where are my thoughts, where are the words, what happened? An empty page I fear. Words undoing or doing nothing. Did my words leave me because of the unknown, because I can't see around the curve? While the unknown can be unnerving, I fully embrace this transition, at times it’s quite exciting, other times it can absolutely raise my anxiety. But rather than succumbing to the anxiety of uncertainty, this is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. So day after day my writer’s heart waited, deeply desiring to create, knowing this stage of life needs it. The challenges I face, the emotions I feel, the obstacles I overcome, I learn and evolve. Each step forward, no matter how small, brings me closer to the dream I wish to live out. But right now, something significant is brewing.
In this fast-paced and often changing world, I sit still every morning to take in a deep breath. I breathe in, hold and release the word "Jesus" as I breathe out. What does He say, what will He speak into me, Lord, let your words lead me. I try to exercise patience as I wait for what “it” may be.
Family is in my heart. Business is in my heart. Pain, suffering, questions, doubts, fears, hope, excitement, celebrations. All of it is there. The big transition, the turning point. Life is an ever-changing journey, filled with twists and turns, surprises, and uncertainties. Here I am, at this moment. Standing at the crossroads of transition, where the known merges with the unknown. Times like these I have a plethora of emotions, excitement, trepidation, heart-felt, and anticipation for what lies ahead. Is this exciting or scary? It’s the moment we'll talk about, it's here, it's coming. I feel it! Do you ever feel on that edge? More so a curve. Listening, working, doing, being. A transition curve.
I find myself in a peculiar state of being "stuck," though never standing still of a transition. It is as if I am trapped between the past and the future, unable to fully grasp the present. I try to never live in the past, though it lives in me and can be daunting. This state of limbo can be unsettling, leaving me yearning for clarity and direction. The "need-to-know-what's-next" type of person. Anyone else like that? I'm tippy-toeing into the horizon, trying to get a glimpse of the end of that ocean. I keep searching, eagerly awaiting that "Ah-Aa" moment. When I get there, to that moment, it will be clear, THIS is what's been waiting in my heart.
As I move through the complexities of business, family, and personal life, I find it vital to maintain optimism and resilience. I see my never-ending hope in action. I don’t have all the answers, but I find peace in the growth and unfolding of my life. It’s an exciting time of life right now. I continue to peek around the corner, eagerly awaiting that "ah-ha" moment. But today, I rest in the here and now.
