When I close my eyes I see a shadow of protection that surrounds me. No gaps, no mistakes, it’s unbreakable. I am shielded and armored and during troubles, it is the only peace I find. I see him, I feel him. Standing near me, holding me. His hand reaches out to me everyday. Reminding me that I am NEVER alone. 

I wish I could say I’ve attacked all my worries full of power and confidence, but my truth is that I am weak in many stages, and without him I will always be weak. With him, I am fully alive, in his strength I am given freedom. My fear moves in, my fear questions me, my fear stops me. I recognize it, I fight it and let it go. He fights it for me. He loves me. I know that; I believe. He gives me my fire, my strength, my hope. I belong to him. My faith is there, it’s strong. It’s my guarantee. I will not allow the difficult parts of my life to hinder my future. The days I fight are tough. When fools come at me, attempting to throw me down, my identity feels lost, and I begin to search, looking, and continuously, I find him. I find my identity in him. I rebuild my confidence in who I am. Knowing truth.

I put down the sword, asking him to take it from here. I fought for what she needs, I am not strong enough to fight alone. I am given encouragement, “You know your strength, don't forget that,” as my motherhood is questioned, an attempt to shame me. 

The shame overcomes me and I listen to the lies, this brings me to a fork in the road, on my knees. I begin to question every move I‘ve made as a mother.  Why do we do that to ourselves? PERFECTION is a LIAR!! What have I done, what have I chosen, how did I get here? All these questions come to mind. So I begin to look up and stand again.

I self reflect and find how I can improve my faults and weaknesses. My mornings with the lord are my essence. Figuring out who I am and growing each day through him. As a mother I’ve made an abundance of choices, over and over; so many decisions I stood alone. I made hard choices, because nothing great ever came easy. Everything done for the love of my children. For them I willl. For them I stand. I stand in confidence, pride and love.

I can't look back. For them I run forward. For them I jump high. For them.